By Madeline Budman
On Sunday, March 5th, we concluded a week of physical work, text study, discussion of ritual, and spiritual exploration with a pair of kosher tefillin that we made ourselves. Soft afternoon light filled Rav Noah Greenberg’s studio as the Nachshon Fellows prepared to wrap our tefillin for the first time, and we took the opportunity to reflect on all that led up to this moment.
Our tefillin were the result of over fifteen hours of work, from start to finish. We spray painted parchment, pressed hundreds of folds with popsicle sticks, carefully placed the scrolls inside, and precisely tied our leather straps. Our tefillin-in-progress travelled from Jerusalem, where they began in a classroom inside of the Rothberg building, up to Tzfat, where the bulk of the work took place in Rav Noah’s studio attached to his home. Of course, constructing kosher tefillin involves much more than precise folds of parchment and tightly laced gid, or calf ligament. We spent much of those fifteen hours learning about the halakha l’Moshe miSinai that instructs us on how to make tefillin, and when it came time for our siyum, or closing ceremony, all of us could recite the ten requirements by heart. Most importantly, everything we said or did during those fifteen hours had to be l’shem kedushat tefillin - in the name of the holiness of tefillin. We practiced intense kavanah, or intention, to ensure the kedusha, or separateness and holiness, of the ultimate final product.
That kavanah and kedusha came to a crescendo during our siyum. We had practiced wrapping our tefillin earlier that day, but we did not say the proper blessing over tefillin, so this was to be the official first time. Our usually chatty group fell silent as we stood and Rav Noah led us through the process of putting on our tefillin. We whispered help to each other as some of us, myself included, struggled to remember the details of how to properly wrap them. In addition to the golden light of the afternoon, there was a distinct glow in the room. I saw my friends smiling at each other as they wrapped their tefillin, overjoyed to share in this moment of kedusha together. Once we said the blessing, we all sat down to siddurim, chanted the first couple of paragraphs of the Shema, and engaged in a few minutes of Torah study.
The moment that I wrapped my tefillin did not just signify the end of fifteen hours of focused work, but it was the culmination of years of gendered exploration of rituals within Judaism. Women are typically barred from wrapping tefillin in more traditional communities, as the halakha poses complicated questions about women and time-bound mitzvot. As an aspiring female rabbi, I was no stranger to issues of gender within Judaism by the time I arrived on the Nachshon Project. In addition to struggling with the halakhic issues with women becoming rabbis, I’ve been experimenting with other practices, such as wearing kippot, participating in Women of the Wall, redefining the mikveh in a feminist way, and asserting myself as an equal in my religion. Wrapping tefillin was a mitzvah I had thought about taking on for a couple of years, but I never imagined that I would get the chance to have my own pair. After studying and struggling with the laws and restrictions outlined in the Talmud, I ultimately made the informed decision to wear my tefillin, and wear them proudly.
