By Dana Blackman Brown
In a jet-lagged daze, I walked into Alma to meet our first speaker of Nachshon. It was rainy and dreary in Tel Aviv. I wanted to curl up in bed and pass out. Despite my initial emotions, I could have not imagined the imprint Dr. Ruth Calderon’s lecture would have on my entire Nachshon experience.
Dr. Ruth Calderon described her journey of Jewish literacy and learning. I was overcome with emotion: I found my own story and struggle in her words. As a young Jew from South Bend, Indiana, I did not have access to the Jewish educational resources like my peers at Brandeis or even my fellow Nachshon counterparts. My journey of Jewish literacy has been filled with joy, and fraught with challenges.
Calderon chose to learn Torah and Gemara. A personal gift to herself. This choice exemplifies the complex social systems within Jewish life and learning; our Jewish experiences are shaped by communal, familial, and personal choices. Some are given this gift. Others find and gift Jewish knowledge to themselves. Calderon demonstrates that Jewish literacy is not linear, nor is there one way of Jewish learning or lifestyle. Alma is a radical institution in a divided country that provides the opportunity to learn regardless of gender or religious identity. A community that grew from a personal need for Jewish communal learning.
Calderon gave me a push to own my story. I am not trying to catch up to everyone anymore. Rather, I started at a different place. A different starting point. Not less valid than the other points. Just different.
Calderon said: “I didn’t go to shul often, but first and foremost I knew I was Jewish.” The question presents itself: What does it mean to feel Jewish? What does it mean to be Jewish? How does one label and claim their Jewish self? Calderon spoke passionately and gently about her upbringing while contextualizing the religious divide within Israel. Calderon’s feeling of disconnect between her Jewish identity and lack of literacy mirrors my own story: “I was looking for the Talmud…[this] took something in the middle and connected my feet to my head.”
In my notes, I wrote: “GIRL SAME.”
In a divided religious community like Israel, Calderon created a space to own her own Jewish learning and self. She posited that in Israel there is “No freedom of religious and no freedom from religion.” In my life, I also cannot “free” myself from religion. Rather, religion becomes a source of freedom. The courage and power of Calderon inspires me to create and finds spaces that both provide both comfort and challenge within Jewish learning.
Last summer, I started learning at Pardes. Slowly, but surely my learning connected my feet to my head, too. I still have many missing organs and bones; Nachshon is helping me grow these missing parts. This journey is an exhausting one, but a worthy one.
Similar to Calderon, I am looking for Talmud. Thank you to Eliana Kahan (Cohort 3) for teaching me Gemara this semester. She has been a crucial part in connecting my head to my feet.
Side note/anecdote/story: Before I left Brandeis I told a mentor of mine that four male professors wrote my recommendation letters for Nachshon and Hebrew University. He looked at me: “Wow. We need to find you women role models within the Jewish community.” This semester Nachshon has allowed me to find Jewish women mentors and role models. Thank you.
Thank you for the gift and opportunity to own my story and grow as a person, leader, and Jew.
