By Gracie Gottlieb
A few weeks ago, we had the privilege of participating in Rabbi Noah Greenberg’s Kesher Tefillin Program. All in all we spent about a total of 15 hours creating our own individual pairs of Tefillin. We learned the texts in which tefillin is discussed in the Torah and Oral Law and discussed the importance of the mitzvah as well as its significance. Seeing the passion and excitement that sparked from Rabbi Greenberg when he discussed Tefillin was simply incredible. His enthusiasm for the mitzvah created such a special environment.
Making Tefillin was one of the most interesting, rewarding, complex and emotional experiences I have had thus far on the Nachshon project. To be honest, I went into this experience a bit skeptical. Coming from a Camp Ramah background but moving more towards the Orthodox world, I never really understood my personal relationship with Tefillin. I had never learned how to put them on nor have I had the access to them. I understood this is a mitzvah that I am not commanded to partake in but because of that I knew nothing about tefillin besides the fact that thinking about me wearing them kind of made me uncomfortable. I had many questions like what really is the significance of tefillin and why do I feel as though it's not for me?
Prior to the workshop, I began to read about a woman's relationship with tefillin but it was hard to be able to articulate my understanding and feel as though I had clarity. Then throughout each session, Rabbi Greenberg encouraged us to try on our tefillin. I felt overcome with emotion as the complexity of my relationship with this ritual was so unclear. But then it also became clear that I wasn’t the only person struggling with this. I looked across the table to some at some who were confused in a similar way to me, and at others who were also struggling but looking at this mitzvah form a completely different angle than I was. Realizing our mutual yet contracting thoughts and emotions made me understand that this is no easy topic but that there is something beautiful about us struggling together. This moment and realization made me so appreciate what this program stands for. Being in an environment with people that have similar passions as me but channel them differently is amazing. I have never been in a successful pluralistic environment before, so seeing that I was able to bond with another fellow over something that we both wrestled with but in different ways was incredible.
After many discussions about the role of women and Judaism and how I want to take on my role, I ultimately decided that the mitzvah of tefillin would not be something for me. However, I am truly grateful for this experience as I feel what I learned is invaluable. I believe that struggling with something is so important because clarity always comes. Tefillin is something I am choosing not to take on rather than something I know nothing about.
